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9:44 PM | Sunday, April 03, 2005

Image hosted by Photobucket.comI have trouble expressing my emotions. I know it's wrong but I think I did this to myself. While I was growing up, I hid more of me and showed more of what they wanted to see. I was always afraid that others will think less of me when I show them how hurt I actually am, or how afraid I am about something. I have these notions that people will not look up to me when they see my weaknesses. It's hard to deal with these emotions when people expect so much from you.

Or maybe I'm expecting it from myself?

I've grown up to show others that I'm a strong woman. That's what I am, strong. I've made them see that they can come up to me whenever something troubles them. That's where I forgot all about myself. I can only open myself up to several people, but they have problems of their own and can't listen to my rantings all day. They get tired from it too, right Pau? Kat? Even my highschool classmate Lee agrees with me about this. We all have to vent sometime, even if others think enough is enough.

That's why I have my blog.

But lately, so many people I know read this and then that fear envelopes me again. What if they think less of me? I can't let that happen. How can I convince myself that other people have problems too?

Sometimes I get sooo pissed and I can't find the words to explain how I feel. I don't know how to take compliments very well either. I blush and say thanks, and in my head I want to hug them and say more things but the words stop at my throat. It sucks having to pretend to be so strong.

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